Covid 19 killed my son’s grandmother. How can we cope?

It was really weird that I hadn’t heard from Wylder’s grandmother in close to a week. I knew that her husband was also in the hospital, and that they both had been taken in for low O2 levels. I texted G to check up on her and Pa, after an hour or so she replied back to me. She said that they were still in the hospital and that she was sure missing our little guy.

A few days passed and they released Pa from the hospital. He had fluid still in his lungs, but his o2 levels were back to acceptable. And due to overcrowding of covid patients- he had to be sent home to heal the rest of the way.

After another week of not hearing from G, I sent her a video of Wylie telling her he loved her. She messaged back the next day that she loved him so much and that video of him was the best medicine.

Yet another week passes and we’re all desperately missing G. For almost 4 years now, G and my own mother are the only people that have ever kept Wylie. I don’t trust people with my children, and it has taken a lot of working together for G and I to establish such a comfortable routine with Wylie. Wylder is missing his grandmother so much. It’s been weeks since he got to see her and he has asked me so many times, “Mommy, elmo get better yet?”

I texted G last Wednesday and never got a response.

Wylie’s father called me crying on Sunday saying that G was in a coma and it wasn’t looking good for her.

We prayed. We all prayed hard.

By Tuesday, G had a heart attack while in her coma. The doctors said she wasn’t going to make it. The family made plans to all travel in town to say their goodbyes Wednesday morning. But during the night of Tuesday- G passed away.

How can you tell a 3 & a half year old that their loving grandmother is gone?

He can’t even be with that part of the family because they are all getting over Covid, and we are unsure about spreading. I’m terrified and heartbroken that we can’t be with them in these times of need. We cannot even grieve all together.

This amazing woman has been a part of everything Wylder has ever done. Birthday parties, holidays, fairs, games, you name it.

She has also been a huge safety net for me. Without her, I couldn’t have just let Wylie’s father have him for days at a time. He has spurts of irresponsibilities and emotional outbursts. & G knew where I stood on situations. We had established a perfect routine, where we were all comfortable and happy.

He’s not even 4, so what can he really understand?

The research I’ve done on the subject of grieving in children, says to just tell him. To bluntly tell him.

  • Don’t hold back information (clearly tell the child that their grandparent is dead.)
  • Don’t sugarcoat anything
  • And don’t hold off on telling your child about the death.

I know I need to keep the information short, because Wylie doesn’t need to hear everything. He just needs to know that even though Pa got better and is home- G didn’t get better and she’s not here anymore.

So here we are. I’ve called my mom for help telling him, because it’s hard to stop crying. My heart breaks for my child.

He sat on his swing set and my mom sat in a lawn chair. I kneeled beside him.

We explained that Pa was home, and that Elmo wasn’t. That she got more sick, and she died. He seemed like he was trying to process the information we gave him, but there was a cluelessness in his eyes.

He kept asking “Why?” And we kept trying to explain. We told him that his Elmo loved him very very much and that we will make sure to keep her memory alive. He didn’t cry, he did seem a bit confused. But after we talked, he went right back inside to play with his little brother.

After talking to G’s youngest daughter, Wylie’s aunt, my heart broke more. She told me that one of the last things her mom told her is that she didn’t want her grand babies to forget her and she loved her baby (Wylder) so much. This makes me cry everytime I think about it.

Knowing that this 58 year old woman laid there for weeks, knowing she was going to die. She was suffering, completely isolated away from her family- and so out of breath she could barely talk on the phone most times.

And during the times of her suffering, she’s worried about her grand babies remembering her.

I never would’ve thought about losing G this young. I figured she’d make it to see Wylie grow up and maybe even see her great grand babies. She was still so young with so much life left in her.

Now there’s the worry that Wylie could possibly not even remember the woman who dedicated herself to loving him. The love they have shared, the memories they had made. It’s all fragile times for my sons growth.

We live with my 90 year old grandmother. Wylder has been blessed with having both sets of amazing, loving grandparents and one living great grandmother. I have been so proud for Wylie to have been so blessed with so many loving supporters in his life. Now the system that I’ve loved so much has a chink in the chain.

I have to completely change things in life because of the loss of this amazing woman. And so does all of her family members, who solely relied on her. So many people hurt because of this awful tragedy.

Get your vaccines, play it safe.

G and Pa did not get their vaccines. Apparently there’s more of a stigma related to the vaccine than the actual virus itself.

I have a 46 year old father with COPD, congestive heart failure and diabetes. A brother with lung issues, a mother whose trying to quit smoking cigarettes, a grandmother that’s 90 and feeble. I have 2 small children and a husband to think of. These people of my formal family are everything to me. And if I hadn’t of got the vaccine I would’ve felt pretty selfish.

I’ve only got the one shot, but I’m staying isolated- waiting for my 2cd one. We barely get out of the house. Walmart comes in pretty clutch with grocery pick up.

Times are insane and the more unvaccinated people walking around, the more this covid is thought to develop. The variants seem to get progressively worse, affecting more in the destructive pathways.

I live in the south. This is where the most unvaccinated people live and this is where covid is HOT right now. All of our hospitals are overflowing, and people are dying left and right.

Wear the mask, get the shot. Stop feeling so “rights entitled” that you selfishly putting yourself and others at risk. Make a stand.

You want to talk about a toll on mental health? We are losing our loved ones so quickly. So many are isolated without their families. Take the time to consider others in these dark days.

We have to stand together to make changes. And we need one another.

So tell me:

  • Have you been vaccinated?
  • Have you lost loved ones to this virus?
  • How did you cope?
  • How did you tell your children?
  • How has all of this affected your mental health?
  • How do you feel toward Covid 19?

One Comment on “Covid 19 killed my son’s grandmother. How can we cope?

  1. It must be so so so hard losing a loved one to this virus, so many people have died due to Covid which is sad! I agree about getting vaccinated, it helps others in addition to yourself! Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

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